Dating Tips for Single Moms

It can be very difficult trying to date if you’re a single mother. You may feel that you don’t have enough time or that men don’t want to date women with kids or possibly hundreds of other reasons. Whatever your reason for not getting back into the dating scene - you should take a closer look to see if it is a true reason for not dating or if you’re just making an excuse not to date. Dating is fun and you shouldn’t be left out because you’re on your own with your children. Below are some tips on how to start dating again or to simply improve your dating.

Get a Life
Your children are having fun, but you’re stuck at home waiting for them to call or to be picked up. Get out into the world and have some fun for yourself. Your children are much better at taking care of themselves than you think and more importantly, they want you to be happy too. Don’t be afraid to have some fun for yourself - in the end, you’re whole family will be happier.

Finding a Date
It can be difficult to even know where to look for men these days - and it only feels worse the longer you’re out of the dating scene. Nevertheless, the men are out there and there are lots of places where you can meet your next date.

• Hire a Matchmaker - someone to be your confidante
  There are plenty of great dating sites that have millions of single men looking for someone like you. Many sites now offer extra support and guidance for their members to help you find and keep someone you’re compatible with.
• Go to Special Events
  You can find men by going to places that bring together like minded people such as a wine tasting, learning, a foundation for a certain cause, a church ,synagogues and other religious places. Take a look in the newspaper to find local events.
• Learn how to Do Something
  Take a class or join a club. Right away, you’ll have a reason to go out and will be forced to socialize with other people. Even better, if you take a class for something you enjoy, you’ll find men there who also enjoy a similar activity to you.

more like to find compatibility if you go places with people who share similar interests

married people think divorce can be contagious so they may see their own problems magnified

don’t look for a dad, find fun and companionship first

First Date Tips - A Guide to Your First Date Together

Dating can be tough and first dates can be painful. So what are you to do? Here is a list of dating tips to start the year out right!

• Meet your date out and drive yourself. If you want to bail out early, you won’t be trapped. Also, when you have your own car. If things work out, you won’t have any worries about inviting your date in or not. This helps protect you from your own impulses, because what’s worse then “will he respect me in the morning?” is “How much will I hate myself when I wake up?”. Also when you have your own car, no need to worry about safety, your date does not know where you live. This protects you from a date turned bad turning in to a stalking nightmare.
• Keep the date simple. You’re nervous enough without making a big show, plus you don’t want to lock yourself in to an evening you won’t enjoy.
• Men, end the date first. You will make yourself stand out.
• Women, don’t wear anything low cut or short. It sounds like an old cliche but your first date knows very little about the woman you are. He will take you at face value and you don’t want to give the wrong impression.

A friend of mine went out for dinner on a blind date. She is a very conservative women, who really likes to take her time in relationships. All of us who know her know this about her. Her date didn’t. She went out on the date wearing a sexy low cut cocktail dress. They went to dinner, had a wonderful evening, and when he walked her to her door, he pounced on her! She was of course surprised and upset, but her date didn’t know her, he just took her at face value.

• Wear clothing that you are comfortable and confident in. First dates are uncomfortable enough without a tight belt biting you around the waist.
• Men, be specific about where you are going. This will make the date more comfortable, and will prevent her from wearing a cocktail dress when you are taking her bowling.
• Ask about your date. Each of us knows we are the most interesting subject But the most interesting conversationalists are people who ask about others. Great light topics are work, hobbies, sports, kids (if they have any).
• Easy on the perfume. You want to knock his socks off, but you don’t want to knock him out!
• Don’t forget to use mouthwash before you go out.
• Don’t order sloppy food. If you are not paying for what you order, try to stay in the middle of the menu.
• Keep the conversation light! Don’t talk or ask about old boyfriends, girlfriends, or ex-spouse. This is a first date, not a therapy session.
• Find out about your dates eating habits before you plan the evening. Make sure you choose a place where they will be able to find something to eat.
• Be attentive! There is nothing worse then a date peering over your shoulder making you feel as if they are looking for something better.
• If you are not paying be considerate of what you order. Try to stay in the middle of the menu.
• And last, but not least, have fun and be yourself!

Why Meet Online? New Rules for Dating in an Online World.

Why Meet online? Well, why not?

Betcha thought that was a rhetorical question! I’ve heard a few reasons why you (or anyone else) should not meet anyone who you e-meet on the ‘net (e-meet is a word I made up. I made it up to deal with the difference between “meeting” — chatting, e-mailing, etc. — online, vs. actually coming face to face with someone. It’s a new age, - it requires a new vocabulary. Bear with me.). OK, before I digress further . . . these are some of the reasons I’ve heard why you should not meet people who you have e-met.

Everyone on the ‘net lies. Uh . . . yeah. The Internet makes it easier for a person to get away with lying. A person encountered face-to-face is less likely to say they weigh 180 pounds if they really weigh 310. But, if you e-meet someone in a situation where it is understood from the start that a face-to-face meeting is in the future, they are not likely to tell you something that would cause embarrassment later. And, is there any woman or man alive who can say that they have never been lied to by a member of the opposite sex who they first met in person???

People who you meet on the ‘net are desperate losers. Uh . . . yeah. There are a good many desperate losers online. There are also a lot of really nice, attractive, successful people who’ve decided to use the Internet as a meeting place. Are you going to miss out on all of those for fear you’ll run into a loser? And, I’d be willing to lay a heavy bet that there are a lot of desperate losers hanging out in your home town, too!

I don’t want to date someone who lives 3,000 miles away! Uh . . . yeah. Me neither! That’s why I put a geographic limitation of fifty miles in the last ad I placed. There are lots of people in your home town who look in the Internet personals.

You can’t get to know someone very well if you never meet them. Uh . . . yeah. I wouldn’t want to marry someone who I had never met face to face. I’d definitely recommend throwing in a heavy dose of real-life personal contact before I committed to anything. On the other hand, you can get to know someone well enough online to decide if you want to meet them, and thereby save yourself a lot of schlepping around.

It is dangerous to meet someone in person who you have e-met! Uh . . . yeah. There are a lot of stories . . . and some of them are even true . . . about the awful things that have happened to people (particularly women) who went out on a date with someone who they had e-met. There are even more stories . . . and some of them are true, too . . . about the awful things that have happened to people (particularly women) who went out on a date with someone they met in a library, at a bus-stop, in a college class, or at a party. Unless you intend to spend the rest of your life sitting home alone, with all of the doors locked, you are going to have to take some risks (I don’t know how you will manage to get groceries in that situation, so you may starve . . . hmmm . . . I guess that’s a risk you will be taking!).

You should minimize the risks by taking some precautions before you invite someone to come within arm’s length of you. If you do your homework, you will definitely know more about the guy you e-met than you know (or want to know!) about the creep who sat down beside you at Rudy’s Pub the other week.

Does that about cover the negatives? Seriously, if you’ve got another one, write me, and I’ll see about throwing it in!

Passive vs. Active Dating

There are two types of people who search for love, lust, and friendship on the internet, passive daters and active daters. Unfortunately for you, around 90% of the people using the major dating sites like Match.com and Date.com are passive daters, only sites like eHarmony.com really force the user to become active participants.

Who is the passive dater?
A passive dater is generally a person who is not fully committed to the idea of meeting someone online and is probably not a paying member of a dating site. They have the concept that there is someone out there that is perfect for them and by setting up an ad on a website than that person will find them. They rarely search for people they are interested in and when they do find someone who piques their interest they generally just save them to their favorites or possibly send them a wink or what ever other free contact method is offered. This is what the majority of the people who try online dating are like. They sit online waiting to be found but are not willing to make the effort to contact someone out of laziness, indecisiveness, or fear of rejection. This is the person who is almost guaranteed to fail at online dating and in the process taking a hit to their self esteem because by the time they give up they feel like everyone can find someone online except for them.

Who is the Active dater?
Well there is a good chance that if you care enough about succeeding at online dating that you have purchased, borrowed, or even stolen this book than you are an active dater. Active daters are the ones who have the best chance of finding love on the internet because they are the most willing to put the effort into it. They research the sites to find which one is the best for them, they carefully craft their profile so that it really shows off who they are, and when they look for people they like they send emails to those who catch their eye. While 9 out of ten people on the internet are waiting to be found, it is the active dater who is willing to go hunting for treasure instead of just waiting to hear about how their friend just got engaged to someone they met online

Can You Find Friendship or Even Love Online?

Singles investigate friendship, romance online

The men in this article did not want their last names used.

“You have the most amazing smile I have ever seen and those eyes are intoxicating … I could gaze into those eyes for hours …”

Jennifer Eaton of Madison joined Match.com because she wanted to know what men were looking for in women. Jennifer Eaton’s online profile has elicited other messages like this one from online admirers, and many singles in the area like her are turning to the Internet to find friendship, love, or maybe simply to explore what makes the opposite sex tick.

When Eaton decided to sign up for Match.com, one of the most popular online dating sites, it wasn’t because she was hunting romance.

“I’m kind of wanting to get an idea of what men are looking for in women what intrigues them.”

At first, she didn’t put a picture of herself on the site, a touch that Match.com says will get you eight times more responses than if you don’t have one.

“I’m not looking to date anyone,” she said. “If I find one, hey, that’s great I found something I wasn’t even looking for.”

Shortly after joining, Eaton decided to see what kind of interest adding a picture would draw to her profile.

“I was amazed at the difference,” she said.

Within three weeks, she had received 170 messages from men who wanted to get to know her. But she is cautious whom she talks to, and especially, whom she meets in person.

“People could put a ‘pic’ of their brother on there you really don’t know who you’re talking to,” Eaton said. “They can be anything they want to be. They can type anything they think you want to hear.”

Of the 170 men who’ve contacted her, she’s considering 10.

Despite her caution, Eaton doesn’t let fear keep her from trying online dating.

“You can meet a psycho in a club just as much as you can online,” she said.

Justin, 26, a former Decaturite who relocated to Birmingham and joined Match to meet people in his area, said there are perks to meeting in cyberspace rather than in a social setting.

“You don’t have to worry about timing,” he said. “You don’t have to worry about games.”

He also said it takes the pressure off making a good first impression.

“It eliminates all that stuff, if you’re shy.”

But what if that great first impression doesn’t match up with the person behind the screen? Eaton looks for red flags when reading profiles and chatting with a potential date on the site’s instant messenger.

“There have been some offensive things, and I ignore those,” she said.

How does one recognize the more subtle warning signs of a creep or a harmful person?

“Guys who don’t know you, and are already ready to love you forever they have a lot of insecurities or there is something wrong with them that they can’t meet women,” said Eaton.

Not only should you be careful when sizing up online prospects, but also be discreet when opening up to others.

“It’s not a good idea, unless you know what you’re doing and you’re really careful,” Eaton said.

She recalls a male friend in Philadelphia who got involved in online dating and sent money to a woman he thought was in need, only to find out she scammed him.

Eaton thinks people who are scamming will look for signs of desperation or naivete in your conversation.

Another friend of Eaton, Greg, whom she met online a few weeks ago, admits that he can be susceptible to this.

“The problem with me is I’m a very nice guy. When I feel like somebody’s in trouble, I want to help them,” he said.

Greg handles his uncertainty about meeting people the first time by driving to the date in separate cars, so he can “walk away from it, no harm done,” he said. He and Eaton drove separately when they went out for the first time.

“She’s been the most successful friendship so far because we’ve gone the extra step of actually meeting,” he said.

Though he has met three others, they weren’t as promising.

“The first one clued me in to the pitfalls of online dating,” he said.

She didn’t look like the picture she’d posted with her profile, nor did her personality match how she’d described herself.

“If you meet a person live, the first thing people see is whether or not there’s an attraction,” Greg explained. “Online there was, but at the front door, absolutely no attraction.”

The two women who didn’t work out haven’t discouraged him.

“So far, I’ve met two others who were who they said they’d be.”

Greg thinks women are more scrutinizing than men are when reading online profiles.

“We (men) just think, ‘Hey, she’s cute,’ ” he said.

Eaton reads profiles carefully so she’ll get an idea of who the person is.

“I’m looking for real people,” she said.

One major turn-off is seeing a man’s profile picture with another woman in it.

“If you’re trying to click with me, I don’t want to see the last girl you dated,” Eaton said.

Greg had a similar experience trying to click with an online prospect who he thinks was juggling too many men.

One woman who contacted him to confirm a date called Greg by another name. He wasn’t offended by the tongue slip, although he felt she hadn’t been honest. She’d been making excuses for not meeting him, saying she was shy and scared. Greg suspects she was trying to keep up with too many men at once.

Although Greg is talking to several people, he is not leading on anybody.

“I may be pushy, but I’m also honest,” he said.

Honesty is important to Eaton as well. She joined Match.com because she wanted to find out what men are looking for in women not to find a serious relationship which she believes is the best attitude for online dating.

“Go in it with an open mind, expecting the absolute worst. And if something good comes out of it, you’re lucky,” she said.

Eaton and Greg both live in Madison and now spend a significant amount of time together offline. But Eaton realizes they may have never met, if it weren’t for the convenience of meeting online.

“There’s a lot of interesting people out there, and they only live two miles down the street,” she said.

For Justin, online dating also makes it easier to meet those interesting people.

“Everybody’s a little more outgoing (online),” he said. “You already know up front what they’re looking for.”

And that’s the way he likes it, especially since Match.com has so many possibilities for him.

“I don’t think they have that many ugly people on it,” he said.

Moving On After a Break Up

Question:
For five years, my ex and I were always getting back together - a break-up to make-up kind of thing. Finally, I changed my cell and home phone numbers and asked him not to call. He likes playing on my emotions, so when his response was “I’ll try,” I decided to change my numbers. It’s been two weeks now and he hasn’t tried to contact me. In the past he would call me at work. Of course, I still think about him and have feelings for him, but I figure, time will heal a broken heart. How do you think he’s feeling? Will he give it time and try to call me. I’m moving on even though it’s hard. Any advice??

Advice:
First of all, congratulations on the decision to move on, change your numbers and ask him not to contact you any more. These are great first steps. Now, you need to go the distance. At this point, he isn’t playing with your feelings, you are! He is doing what you asked of him.

Reread your letter to me and listen to your mixed message: “I changed my number and asked him not to call, why hasn’t he called me?” It doesn’t make sense. He hasn’t called you BECAUSE you asked him not to, you changed your numbers to be sure he didn’t and he knows, just as you do, that the time has come to move on. He is trying to respect that. You need to do the same.
Rather than wondering what he is thinking and if he is going to call, focus your energy and attention on getting yourself whole/complete again. After being in a partnership for so long, we tend to think as a “we” or as a half instead of a whole. That is partly why you are wondering so much about what he is thinking and doing.

I once lived in a haunted house on Kauai and had a Kahuna come to cleanse the energy and, literally, “clear the air.” When the Kahuna left he said, “Do not think about the ghost in this house any more or you will invite it back.” That is a lot easier said than done, but it made sense. You need to do some sort of personal ritual to release this man from your energy. Otherwise, you will inadvertently invite him back into your life, which you know is not the right thing to do.

One ritual I have used successfully is to imagine a cord, like an umbilical cord, that goes from your heart to his. Visualize what it looks like. Is it thick or thin, long or short, shiny and silvery or rope-like? Just examine the cord that runs the energy between you. Then, when you are ready to become energetically self-sufficient, ceremonially cut the cord. Seal off the ends with the intent that you are are establishing self-sufficiency so that you are both whole beings, managing well on your own. The idea is not to isolate yourself from him, but to become complete without him so that you can be continued friends, if you so choose, without being sucked into a relationship that you both know is not serving you. (You may have to do this exercise repeatedly until the separation is complete.)

Another ritual you can do is much like a funeral of the relationship. Write a eulogy for it. Release the relationship, allow yourself time for mourning and healing and then move on. Much like the stages of death: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, you need to allow your heart the time to go through these stages. I make this sound simple and it may not be, but the reality is that this is the cycle of change and we all need to become consciously aware of the process and allow ourselves the time needed to go through it.

Expanding Your Perfect Criteria

I recently received a letter from a man who said he had been searching online for the perfect woman for him for a full year and hadn’t been able to find her until one day a woman contacted him. They were both amazed that they had so much in common, including the year-long online search. Curious as to why neither of them had come up in either of their searches until now, they compared notes on their search criterion.

What they discovered was that she had only found him when she increased the age range that she desired to include men slightly younger than her (he was a year younger). They then discovered that he had never found her in his searches because she was half an inch shorter than his height search criteria. They had missed each other by half an inch and a year!

If your online search hasnt yielded the results that you want, reconsider your criteria and expand it in the areas that arent set in stone. This is actually a good reminder in general. Often we get caught in deciding, in advance what our type is and rather than using that description to help us find our match, we use it to eliminate a lot of great possibilities. Take the time to think through how you consciously or unconsciously would finish this sentence, I only date people who or My type is

While having a clear picture of what you want is a great way to recognize him or her, it is wise to go back and look at your type criteria to see if it is really important to you, or just some conjured up image in your head. Do you imagine yourself with a blond? What if the perfect woman for you is brunette? Do you imagine yourself with someone tall? What if the guy with the best personality is just a bit shorter than your fantasy man?

I receive complaints from men and women that say they are still active and vital for their age, but are eliminated by someones arbitrary search criteria that automatically rules them out. In addition, sometimes a persons height to weight ratio looks far more attractive and proportionate in person than it sounds on paper.

Determine which of your criteria are really important to youperhaps religion, location, children and which ones aren’t quite as important perhaps weight, height or age, and expand the boundaries of your search for better results!

Online Cheating: Real or Virtual?

Late last night — very late — I ran across an essay called Virtual Immorality, by George Topp. To summarize for those who don’t want to run off and read the essay, here is a synopsis: Seems that the author, a married man, found himself in a long-term online affair with someone met in a chat room. He never met her offline, but continues to indulge in hot sessions online and “illicit email.” The guilt feelings following one of these sessions resulted in the justifications that are detailed in the essay, which I will proceed to shamelessly quote with only minor apologies to George.

By the way, I’m not trying to pick on George in particular, even though I throw his name around pretty freely. These arguments are all familiar ones, used by males and females alike. From the least to the most convincing (roughly) the arguments are:

“All I’d done was follow the rules of good manners and replied to my incoming correspondence.”

Oh puh-leeeeze, George! Since when do unsolicited sexual advances, online or off, require any response other than “no thanks?” Most chat utilities have an “/ignore” feature that can be used on those persistent few who won’t accept a polite refusal gracefully.

“In an age of virtual morality, virtual philandering ought to be a normal part of life.”

Yeah, right!! Just like “actual” philandering ought to be a normal part of “actual” life??

“…cyberspace works like. . . an amplifier that inflates. . . idle chitchat into a hot binary screw.”

We’re not talking about “How’s the weather in Chicago,” here, George! Online, just as in person, friends of the opposite sex are one thing - lovers are quite another. A discussion of how to cook bagels does not have to turn into a description of how much you would like to lick the cream cheese off of. . . .

“Moreover, this on-line relationship has produced sufficient fantasy fuel to actually improve my marital sex life.”

This initial improvement seems to be a common phenomenon. It’s also called “increased horniness.” But it is generally only a matter of time before the “improvement” degenerates to “competition.” In-the-flesh sexual encounters have a hard time measuring up to the online variety, where you never have to stop and untangle clothing, smell a fart, or look at a zit. The results of continued exposure to this sort of “perfection” are twofold. First, you can expect to experience an increased impatience with the real spouse whose real flaws you have to live with. And second, interaction with your “perfect” online partner will lead to an emotional attachment to that partner. I have a very hard time imagining how these two effects, impatience with your spouse and emotional attachment to someone else, can do anything other than harm every aspect of your marriage.

“We’d never even touched. . . can you call that sex?”

Gee whiz, this guy ought to get together with Clinton. But this is the crux of the matter. Does it take actual penetration to constitute “cheating”? Let’s put forth a definition of “cheating” that I think is more valid than the overly narrow interpretation favored by the likes of George and Bill.

Cheating - n - Any sexual behavior, engaged in secretively with a person not one’s spouse, that would make the spouse feel betrayed if discovered.

I don’t think there’s any doubt that the behavior is sexual in nature. And it is not masturbation or pornography; there is another person involved. So the question becomes, would your spouse feel betrayed if (s)he found out? If the honest answer is “yes,” then you’re cheating. If you’re not sure what the answer is, why not ask the spouse in question? If you don’t want to ask, that’s an answer in itself, isn’t it? The very fact that you feel the need to sneak around and hide files should tell you something!

Bottom line to George and the other 3,232,531 married people online: I’m not your moral guardian, do what you want. Just don’t kid yourself with this sort of rationalizing bullshit! Online cheating can ruin your marriage just as surely as midnight rendezvous at the No-Tell Motel.

Your Dating Profile - Quick Tips to Make You Stand Out

Everyone who signs up for an online dating service wants to be found and contacted - otherwise, they wouldn’t be there. To make sure that you are contacted by others interested in you - you need stand out from the other profiles. Below are some tips on improving your profile to help get you noticed.

• A catchy headline will draw more attention to your profile. Make it clever but not boastful.
• What is it that makes you unique? Try to focus on the positives when describing yourself.
• Keep it brief! Write enough just to catch someone’s attention. You can share the more personal details later.
• Double-check your spelling and grammar. People are more likely to take your profile seriously if you have put some thought into it.
• Read your profile and ask yourself, “Would I date this person?” If not, then you need to put more work into it.
• Spend time honing your favorites lists. You’ll find it easier to meet other people who share common interests that way.

Handsome But Still Single - What’s The Solution?

Gentlemen it’s game time! And as all football fans know, in order to make it to the Super Bowl, you need a great coach. That’s where I come in. I’m the Dating Coach.

If you’ve been in the Red Zone lately, but haven’t put any points on the board, I think the moment is right for a TIME OUT With playbook in hand, let’s go over some practical advice. Quite simply, if you’re not satisfied, and you’re not exactly where you want to be in the search for Mrs. Right, it’s probably time for a post-game discussion. Let’s assess your moves and examine your approach so that you can now move ahead and put those days of futile dating behind you.

First of all, there’s no doubt that that men have the toughest job of all. It’s the man who has to pursue the woman, which means he could possibly get rejected, which can be a challenge. But if you really want to find her, you’re probably up for the challenge, right? So let’s make it happen. To win the Super Bowl or to marry your soul mate you need a successful game plan.

First, here are some keys to running a potent offense:

THE SHORT GAME

Listening

Okay. You’re cute, you’re smart, and you’re accomplished and even though she knew it - she wasn’t interested.
Why? Nine times out of ten, you didn’t listen. I cannot tell you how often I see this. I’ll see a couple on a date where the man is talking incessantly and the woman has a look on her face that says, “Hey!, When is it my turn to talk?” A woman is looking for a man with confidence who knows how to “bring her out” with intriguing questions. She doesn’t just want to be desired - she wants to be heard! If you’re doing a monologue, she’s gonna tune you out and change stations. A woman wants to feel that she’s special. Asking her questions and listening makes her feel like a princess. Which, in turn, makes you look like a knight in shining armor.

It’s that simple.
Sometimes you gotta walk the walk, and sometimes you gotta please don’t talk. If you think you may be carrying the bulk of the conversation on a date….you may very well be! Even though you are extremely talented, bright, and clever try to hide those facts for a few hours.

What not to say:

_ “So, what do you want to know about me? Ask me anything.”
_ “Well, you’re not talking, you might be shy so I’ll just start telling you about myself. Anyway, I have two brothers…”

Instead, try this:

_ “So, who are you? I’d like to know a little more about you.”
_ “What’s it like being the only girl in the family?”
_ “Are your brothers very protective? Will I have to pass the test with them? Do they have a black belt in Karate?

So how do you learn to be a good listener? Many of us never really felt listened to, so we don’t always know how to listen back. But it’s really easy to fix this. Seek out a friend who is a good listener, have them listen to you and experience how great it feels to really be heard! Then try it. In my experience, most people don’t really want answers to problems, they just need a kind ear and they come to their own solutions.

A client of mine liked this man she was dating but he was nervous, and ended up talking way too much. She tried to break it off but he kept calling. He realized that he wasn’t “bringing her out” in other words, he wasn’t concentrating on her. So in their next conversation, he talked less about himself and asked her questions. She was impressed and agreed to another date.
The next time they met, he again focused on her and asked her lots of questions about her life. And today, they are married.

The good news is that the biggest -and most common - problem is also the easiest to fix. Listening is always the key. It will totally change your game.

In sum, CHANGE YOUR FOCUS. Make the conversation about her.

Know Your Goal

“Sure I love to date but I’m thinking there’s something more?

Are you looking for a girlfriend, or are you looking for a life partner? If you’re truly marriage minded, then you may need some more serious coaching.

Most of the men who contacted me were having physical relations with girlfriends, and or living together but not married. They admitted that they were not truly happy. They said their drive to “win” a woman over was missing. They said that they wanted to get married but not necessarily to the woman that they were living with or having relations with. Men you must think big picture and long term goal. In some cultures men and women do not touch while dating. One of the reasons for this is so that a man will come to see the woman as a spiritual being and not only a physical being. I know it may be a lot to ask of someone to abstain from touching altogether, if that has been their protocol, but ask yourself, Have I ever tried this? Is this working for me? Do I get stuck in long term relationships because we are use to each other physically but on other levels do not feel like the relationship could move towards marriage? If what you are doing is not working for you then make a change, even the smallest change can make way for an opportunity for growth.

Here is what a client did. He met a woman that he was interested in, and he told her the following, “I have been dating a certain way for 20 years and it has not produced the results that I want.” “I find you very attractive and am interested in you.” “I would really like to get to know you better and would like to put the physical part of our relationship on the back burner as we are getting to know each other.” To make a long story short., he is now a happily married man to that very same woman, any woman of valor would admire and respect a man who said this to her.

Don’t Be Your Own Tackling Dummy!

No matter how appealing and talented men are, many of them get frustrated and end up asking the question “What if it’s me??”

Are your own insecurities preventing you from getting a touchdown? You don’t think you’re handsome enough, rich enough, or smart enough? ENOUGH! Self-knowledge is a very powerful tool.

What makes you valuable to a woman? Look at what you have to offer. What attributes do you possess that make you stand out? Are you fun to be around? Do you see the glass half full instead of half empty? Are you interested in learning about others?
I suggest you ask a friend who really knows you well to be honest with you. Whatever they tell you, don’t beat yourself up. Instead focus on the great qualities that you already have that you can make better!” Spend most of your time improving what you already have, and a small amount of time working on areas you would like to improve.

One of the biggest fumbles men make is to not approach a woman that they believe is “out of their league.” Any woman worth having will believe that “handsome is as handsome does” In other words, it is the man’s behavior towards the woman that makes him appear handsome to her.

Remember: if you are dating a woman who’s been single for awhile and wants to get married, she will not be looking for perfection. As you overlook some of her flaws, she will be doing the same. Just don’t wear a brown tie with a blue shirt, or white socks and brown shoes.

RUNNING NEW PLAYS

Changing Game Plans
How can I meet her?

If you’re not winning at this point in your life, you’ve got to make some adjustments. Going into the relationship game requires flexibility.

First off, be more aggressive. Where would your soulmate be today? Ask yourself if you are really looking in the most efficient, effective way. How are you going to find this person? She’s probably not going to come to you.

Stretch your comfort zone. If you’ve never gone to single events at your local Church or Temple. Go! If you never exercise, sign up for a hike. If you haven’t tried online dating, try it! You might be surprised who you meet. Sites like eHarmony.com or Chemistry.com work hard to bring together people looking for a serious relationship.

All your married friends want you to get married. They’re probably on to something. Stay in touch with them. Ask them for advice. Let your friends and family know you’re looking to meet someone special. Now, I know how frustrating it can be when certain well meaning married people try to make matches. After going on a few of these set ups sometimes you end up wondering what they were thinking, “You two will make a great couple” look, “your breathing, and she’s breathing”…”what’s the problem?” But on the other hand if you can look at each date as great practice it will help you confirm what you are looking for in a soul mate. Never limit your game plan. And always be a gentleman on a date even if there’s no chemistry between you two. Who knows? She may have a friend for you.

So you may be saying to yourself. So If I want to really get married the Dating Coach is telling me that I should, listen, stop having relations so quickly, and go to Church or Temple! That’s right! Are you up for the challenge? Great!

In the Open Field

Once you meet someone, how should you approach them? The best way, is with a kind, sincere hello. If you are shy, start practicing by saying hello to everyone you meet, and asking them a question of interest about themselves. This will make it much easier for you when you meet your possible soul mate.

There’s a story about a great Rabbi who use to leave for shul two hours early, so that on his walk, he would have ample time to stop and say hello and find out how his neighbors were doing.

It may sound trite, but without a good, confident, sincere “hello,” you’ll be stuck on the sidelines.

Fourth Down and Goal to Go

Okay, so now you’ve become a better listener, you’ve worked on a few of your weaker areas, and you’ve gotten comfortable approaching people. Now it’s time to go for it!

But what if she doesn’t’ want to go out with you? I say, Great! Remember, whenever a “no” door closes, a “yes” door opens, and brings you closer to what is truly right for you. Be sure and ask yourself what did I learn from this experience that I won’t repeat the next time? Every single dating experience can yield valuable lessons, great practice and probably show you where you want to be. Nobody ever said “I wish I didn’t have all that experience” It only makes you a better, stronger and more appealing person. Plus, there’s always another game next week, and if you lose this one, well, you might just go on a tear and win ten in a row! You can do it! You can do it! You can! You can!

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