When Should I Respond to an Email I Get?
Playing hard to get can definitely have its advantages in the traditional dating world, but with online dating, it could possibly mean a trip to the recycle bin instead of the IN bin.
I’m frequently asked, When should I respond to an email I get? Should I wait at least ten minutes? Can I email him/her back on Saturday night at 8 PM? Or Should I wait until I’m twenty pounds thinner? The answer should be fairly simple, but can actually be a little tricky. You may want to wait at least one day so you don’t appear overly anxious or desperate, and it may also be a good idea to wait to respond until after your divorce is final. BUT if you wait too long, there are plenty of other fish in the sea to snag, so don’t dilly-dally too long.
Great! You’re anxious if you answer right away, and you’re not interested if you don’t answer right away. Jeepers, what should we do, Dr. Phil? If I didn’t respond within .25 seconds, I would have guys writing me wondering if I received their email, or if I had already found a husband. Chill out people! I know we all have the patience of a two year old, but hold on to your horses. Just because were all desperate (you know online dating and all) doesn’t mean we don’t have lives outside of these matchmaker sites.
One guy actually wrote back and yelled at me (he used all caps and lots of explanation marks!!!!) because I didn’t respond to his email at all. When I read his profile, he sounded angry, frustrated, and bitter. His final comment was, IF YOU AREN’T SERIOUS AND IF YOU ONLY WANT TO PLAY WITH MY HEAD, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS AD. Well, I wasn’t interested, so I didn’t respond. (Not sure why, he seems like such a sweet heart and all.) He sent me one of the nastiest emails Ive ever received. Gee, it just broke my heart to be dumped by a guy I never met. I did write back and told him if he doubled up on his anger management classes (and his lithium) I might reconsider corresponding with him.
I read in another source that you should not respond to emails for at least 24 hours (thats after each and every one!) and that you should not respond on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Well gee whiz, menopause doesn’t wait until Mondays, so why should we? Heavens to Betsy! Why would we want to wait until Monday? Oh, I know, so we appear to be busy on the weekends. I get it!! Well toots, if I was busy on the weekends, I wouldn’t be online dating, now would I?!
I really don’t think the person on the other side of cyber space is counting the minutes it takes for you to respond. Write back when you have a few minutes. If you’re tired, or had a bad hair day, or you forgot to take your antidepressants, you may want to hold off for a few days. Your writing can definitely reflect the mood you’re in.
Make this process of finding a new relationship fun. don’t beat yourself up wondering if you waited too long to respond, or not long enough, or if you said the right thing, or you said too much or too little. Be yourself, have patience, respond in a positive way, and by gosh, don’t forget to use spell check!
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Where to Go on a First Date
Where do you want to meet? Oh, I don’t care, where do YOU want to go? Oh, anywhere you decide would be fine with me. No, no, its up to you? Does this sound familiar? If someone doesn’t make up his or her mind soon, about the only good thing that will come out of this scenario is that you’ll be able to use your senior citizen discount coupon no matter where you decide to go!
I constantly get asked the question, Where should I go on my first Internet date? My first response is usually, Not where your ex-fiance hangs out! Besides that, I suggest to go wherever you would go on ANY first date. Initially, its best to meet at a centrally located place, and you also want to avoid having your date pick you up at your place for the first few dates. So if you’re the type of person that just has to know what kind of car hes driving, just ask, you’ll have to find out later.
As a side note, make sure that wherever you do decide to go, keep dating safety in mind before and during the date. Remember, this person really is just a stranger and while most people have good intentions, you don’t want to find yourself caught up in a bad situation.
Coffee shops seem to be popular places to meet for the first time. Why? Because a cup of coffee is fairly inexpensive, and, if you meet at 2:00 in the afternoon, you have the perfect excuse of having to go back to work if your date isn’t, well, the purdiest thang in the world.
I personally feel going to a coffee shop in the middle of the afternoon just doesn’t have that date like atmosphere. To me it feels more like a business meeting. The one and only time I ever met a guy there I felt like I was being interrogated. (I think he was an undercover cop, especially when he scarfed downed four jelly-filled donuts.) Anyhow, meeting for lunch or early evening appetizers might be a little cozier. (Guys, you may want to skip meeting your date at Hooters or at the Gentlemen’s Club for the first date. You know, just a thought.)
If you’re not into eating, (or if payday hasn’t arrived yet) choose an activity that you both enjoy, such as bowling, darts, or maybe an art museum. Again a public place is always a safe bet, unlike a suggestion this one date of mine made. I met this guy one evening and after we had some appetizers, he wanted to know if I wanted to go for a nice moonlit walk in the woods in the middle of nowhere at 11:00 at night. No thanks, Mr. Bundy. I’d rather roller skate naked down Main Street at rush hour than to truck up in the woods with someone I don’t even know what their last name is.
So you have my permission to tell anyone who suggests something that stupid to go take a hike (alone!)
Treat the first date like any other date. Don’t set yourself up for a bad date by having an escape plan, or by having your buddy call twenty minutes into your date. Talk about sabotaging your evening! Lighten up. Enjoy the get together, even if she/he isn’t going to be walking down that isle with you.
The bottom line is, have a good time, enjoy yourself, let a friend know where you’re going, and be home by ten!
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Frengo Leads Mobile Social Networking on Facebook with Flirtable
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Frengo, the leading provider of social mobile services with over 7 million users, today announced the launch of Flirtable Mobile and its extended Facebook mobile Toolkit. Having gone live just a month ago on Facebook, Flirtable has attracted over 2 million users and is receiving over 10 million page views each day. Extending the success of Flirtable online, Frengo Flirtable Mobile allows people to access a variety of communications and services directly from their cell phone. Flirtable users can now review profile pictures, have private one-on-one conversations, send gifts, initiate new conversations, and receive alerts to be notified of critical social events. Flirtable is now the #1 independent mobile application on Facebook and is listed as a Top 25 application out of 11,000+ applications on Facebook today. Frengo has also extended its Mobile Toolkit which already powers several top mobile services on Facebook.
Flirtable has been very successful since its launch, having over 300,000 daily active users on Facebook. Most users love the interface and how easy it is to use. The integration with Facebook with additional features such as sending gifts and messages seems to also be an aspect many users enjoy.
Read the Full Press Release
Add Flirtable App on Facebook
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Club M8
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| ClubM8.tv |
ClubM8 is a relatively new community that gives you the chance to chat, exchange text messages, flirt and interact with other cell phone users, anytime, anywhere. Want to meet somebody special? Be ready to have hundreds of friends (or lovers!) at the touch of a cellular button.
ClubM8.tv Costs for New Members
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Filed Under Mobile Dating Sites | 2 Comments
What is Mobile Dating?
Mobile dating, also referred to as cell phone dating, is one of the newest ways to find your next date. These days, everyone has a cell phone and is using it to text their friends. Mobile dating services allow their users to provide information about themselves in a short profile which is stored in their phones as a dating ID. They can then search for other IDs online or by calling a certain phone number dictated by the service. The criteria include age, gender and sexual preference.
Mobile dating, or text dating websites are gaining popularity. According to The San Francisco Chronicle in 2005, “Mobile dating is the next big leap in online socializing.” More than 3.6 million cell phone users logged into mobile dating sites in March 2007, with most users falling in the under 35 age range.
How Mobile Dating Works
1. Sign up at a site like MeetMoi.com
2. Enter the zip code of your current location
3. Get a profile of a nearby match and start texting
It’s that easy. You can be texting with someone nearby instantly and meet up with them if a connection is made.
Benefits of Cell Phone Dating
- Fast - You can get started immediately. Sign up, search, flirt!
- Easy - No uploading photos or extensive profiles. Get to know people right away instead of having to fill out long online forms.
- Cheap - Most services are free to register and cost a lot less than other dating services
Using your cell phone to send sms text messages to singles who in your area allow you to quickly meet local singles that could be literally around the block. Why waste time with emailing back and forth when you could meet right away. Be on the cutting edge of the dating scene by signing up today!
Filed Under Mobile Dating | 1 Comment
Question: What’s it like to Date You?
Question:
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I am just not successful in love. I go out on dates, maybe even go out with someone for a few months, but at some point they always break up with me or call it off. I am not sure what I am doing wrong. The most recent woman just said that she didn’t feel like we would work out; the one before that said that I wasn’t her type after all. Do you have any suggestions?
Advice:
It is hard to give you specific advice without any specific information as to what you are doing and saying, but I can give you some general advice in terms of what to ask yourself, and what to pay attention to. For starters, think about what you have been doing in relationships, specifically just prior to when these women decide you are not the one. Become an expert on how you show up on dates and in relationships. Be self-observant. What do you say? What don’t you say? How do you behave? Do you listen? Do you talk? Do you show interest in the other person? Are you emotionally available?
Ask yourself, What is it like to date me? Put yourself into the other persons place and try to imagine what it is like to be in a relationship with you. What is it like to go out to dinner with you? What is it like to be in love with you? What is it like to be intimate with you? Pay attention to the feedback women are giving you. Perhaps they are giving you more information as to why it isn’t working than you are paying attention to.
Let me ask you this also, did you think that you were a match, or were the women right to call it off? Sometimes we get so offended by rejection that our egos don’t stop to realize that we really didn’t belong with someone and they actually did us a favor by acknowledging the truth. It may not be that you are not successful in love but rather that you simply haven’t yet found the right person to be successful with.
Another thing that may be useful to you is to examine the set of rules that you unconsciously (or consciously) live by. We all have rules or beliefs that dictate our behavior but these rules don’t always serve usor our relationships. Even The Rules taught to us by experts can actually do more harm than good by interfering with your natural, authentic expression and your values. Identify your personal rules, for instance, A man should always be the one to make the move (and the flipside rule that a woman shouldn’t make the move, or A man should always pay for the date, or You shouldn’t tell someone that you really like them too early in a relationship or it is better to make up an excuse than to tell the truth when you don’t want to date someone. Notice which beliefs impact your behavior on a date and then determine whether these rules and beliefs are serving you or not. If they are, great! Continue believing them. If they don’t serve you , or worse yet, actually sabotage you, then it is time to choose new beliefs. If you have always done things one way (and it hasn’t worked for you), then consciously choose to do it a different way next time and see if the results are different.
Filed Under Online Dating | 1 Comment
Everything You Wanted to Know About Women…
| ..that they don’t want you to find out about.There are hundreds if not thousands of women’s magazines that provide advice and guidance to women about men. They are all packed with insightful information and statistics that they don’t want men to know about.
That is until now. We are going to spill the best dirt and statistics from the hottest women’s mags. So you don’t have to risk getting caught reading them yourselves. |
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Ready for a sleep over date?
Cosmo reports…
On what date do you usually do the deed?
- 8.9% of women said the first date
- 21.4% said on the second or third date
- 33.4% said after we’ve been dating a few weeks
- 36.3% said after we’ve been dating a few months
Maybe that’s why so many women are single.
Glamour says…
- 56% of women said the thrill of the chase is the best part of dating
- 61% of West Coast women like being single, as compared to only 49% of East Coast women
What women reveal about being naughty.
From Marie Claire…
- 18% of women admit to having blackmailed someone
- 33% of women have hooked up with a guy they knew their best friend liked
- 37% of women have worn a dress to work without underwear
- 49% of women have lied about the number of men they’ve slept with
- 59% of women have given out the wrong phone number on purpose
- 65% of women have said they’d call and didn’t
We don’t really believe this.
What Cosmo says about men…
- 36% of men have caught a girlfriend or ex checking their voice mail
- 68% of men like moaning better than dirty talk
- 76% of men stress about what they’ll wear before a date
- 78% of men want women to make the first move
Filed Under Relationships | 1 Comment
How to Write Online Personals that Get You Noticed
This personals writing workshop will help you focus on creating an ad that will attract as many of the right responses as possible.
After all, isn’t that why you want to use a dating site - to meet people that you will connect with?
The workshop is divided into five parts:
- Getting started - congratulations, you got started
- Who you are - writing appealing personal ads
- Who you want -the single women or men you’d like to meet
- Your headline - getting singles’ attention
- Summing it all up. Hey, at least read this.
Ok, now you know what’s ahead. Let’s dive right in:
How to Write Online Personals - First Steps
When you sign up for many of the major dating services, you are asked at the beginning to fill out a profile “sheet” which includes space to write your ad.
What do you say?
Well, you can say anything, and everything… but good personals, the ones that are going to get a lot more responses are the ones that usually spell out, in no uncertain terms:
Who YOU are, and
Who you want
And that is the gist of it - the basic idea: you want to tell those eligible singles out there what you are about, and you want do so honestly. Then, you want to say exactly what kind of man or woman you are looking for.
Hey, you are doing this for you, so why not ask for things you like?
Before you start writing personals, do this little exercise: grab a piece of paper, and make two lists.
The first list should be of things that you feel like any singles ought to know about you before they get in touch with you. The other, a list of qualities that you are looking for in a potential mate.
Just write a list of points at first, don’t write a book. We’ll look at the best way to put those points into beautiful prose in the next few pages.
Who You Are
Great personal ads describe exactly who you are
Hello. If you did not get here from part one of this personals workshop, we are discussing how writing better personal ads will help you attract more singles.
In this section, we’ll look at what you should say about you, to give the men or women that’ll be responding a better idea about who you are, and whether or not they might like to get to know you better.
First of all - did you make the list of things that you think other singles should know about you?
If not, here are some examples of points usually mentioned in good personal ads:
- Your career
- Your main interests outside of work
- Your goals in life
- How you like to spend your free time
- Children (have?want?dislike?)
- General personality traits (outgoing, introverted, etc.)
- Are you a partier or a homebody
- How you feel about relationships
Yes, yes, some of them may seem a little cheesy, but they are just supposed to be examples to get you thinking about what to say. Only you can know the true depths of the madness that possesses you. Er, the qualities that make you attractive to others.
Seriously, single men and women will really want to know these things about you, because there are just so many choices out there, that there is no reason to waste one’s time with incompatible matches.
One thing that you should include in your personal ads is some quality, or trait that is unique to you: a personality quirk, some specific life experience that has made you who you are, or anything that makes you stand out from all those other singles out there who are, in effect, your competition.
So write about yourself and make it sound good, but also make it something that comes from you. Don’t just write an ad.
Keep this in mind: the better dating services will ask you a number of questions, the answers to which will later appear in your profile. This means that you probably won’t have to talk about many minute details in your personal statement, but rather convey a more general idea of who you are.
To be really successful, this kind of writing will require a little more introspection then just stating whether or not you are a smoker or a morning person. (Although those two are probably hugely important.)
Who You Want to Date
You will also want to talk about the man or woman that you seek.
Often, weaving a brief paragraph about yourself, together with a somewhat detailed description of who you are looking for, will get you the best responses. But we’ll talk about on the next page.
Be specific about the single women or men you want
If you did not get here from part one if this personals workshop, we are discussing how writing a better personal ad will help you attract and meet single women or men that you can really connect with.
We’ve gotten to the part where you tell those men or women out there what you are looking for in a partner.
This can be a little tricky, because often expectations, either overly inflated or not specific enough can send the wrong message. We’ll get to the number one mistake that guys make in a minute, but first, some examples of things you can reasonably ask about:
- Age range (no-brainer)
- Children (have?want?dislike?)
- Basic personality traits
- General disposition towards fellow human beings
- Geographical location (if it matters)
- Willingness to move
- Physical characteristics (be realistic here, and don’t create a negative impression by asking for overly superficial qualities.)
As you can see, you’ll be asking about things similar to what you described about yourself, though perhaps not quite as detailed. But remember:
The best prospects who will answer your personal ad, are the ones who will “see” themselves in it - in your description of who you are looking for.
That is why it is often better to be specific: you’ll be writing to fewer singles, yes, but the single women or men that respond will be much more likely to possess the qualities that you are looking for.
Basically, you are polling a huge sample of people, and you are asking them: do you see yourself in this description? If you say, “I want a man” lots of men will answer (and we do mean LOTS.)
But if you say: “I want a 33-38 year old agnostic man from South Jersey who loves the outdoors and is comfortable with large breed dogs” then you will get him, or both of them, to answer your ad, because he will say that’s me! when he sees your ad.
So that’s the key. Now, one last thing:
Guys: DO NOT be obnoxious, and say things like “I want to meet single women with a perfect body” or anything along the lines of “I prefer round butts”. There is a place for that, and it’s called adult personals.
If you are looking for a serious relationship, based on more than the most superficial qualities, you cannot be superficial in your personal ad. Actually, you can’t even think that way, let alone write it. Nothing turns single women off faster than a sleazy man.
Your Headline
Attract more singles with the right headline because it’s the 2nd thing people see (after your picture).
If you didn’t get here from part one of this personals workshop we are talking about how writing better personals will help you meet singles that you’ll really connect with.
In this section, you’ll read about headlines, and how writing a better one will attract more attention to your personal ads, and therefore to you (more singles will want to meet you.)
Look:
The personals’ headline is what catches your eye
That’s pretty obvious isn’t it? And it’s also very important. You have to get those singles’ attention before you can tell them more about yourself. Otherwise, the rest of your personal is meaningless.
But what do you say in your headline?
Here we have to make a confession: the two of us who created this guide are terrible headline writers. We just can’t do it. We tried, and tried, and all that we could come up with is “The personal’s headline is what catches your eye”.
Well, maybe that’s not such a bad example. After all it did get the main point across…
And that’s what you want to do: get your main point across.
Remember how you are supposed to include something that is unique about you in your personal ads? Well, include it in your headlines too.
Just a couple of words (don’t write a paragraph) about you, and what makes you interesting.
So, a headline like Single man looking for his best match, although entirely reasonable, will not get much traction. Seriously, are there any singles out there trying online dating who are not looking for their best match?
The point is to stand out from the crowd, to get noticed by those singles who will be most likely to appeal to you, and who will find you interesting enough to establish contact. Incidentally, elsewhere on this site we also talk about how best to contact singles. But that’s later.
Summing it All Up
In this last section, we’ll try to put together all the dating advice you might have missed in the previous few pages.
Let’s start with what your ad should say about you:
- You want to be honest
- Mention something that is unique about you
- List anything important you think they should know
- Give some basic information about your station in life
The idea is to attract singles who will like you for who you are. So don’t hide anything, and talk about those qualities you feel are important.
And do the same when explaining what kind of man or woman you’d like to meet:
- Ask about things that you want in a partner
- Be as specific as possible
- Mention anything that might be a no-no (smoking, children, location restrictions)
- Do not be superficial about physical characteristics
In the end, the people who are most likely to answer your ad are the ones who see themselves in your description of your ideal partner.
And to get their attention, you must write a good headline:
- Make it catchy, but descriptive
- Mention the unique quality that you also discuss in the main part of your personal ad
The trick, if we can call it that, is to have your headline stand out from the crowd.
Also (this is so obvious we didn’t mention it before): check you grammr also your speling!
Do not make a bad first impression with your writing - you’ll be shooting yourself in the foot right from the start…
…and everything that you’ve learned here will be wasted. And you’ve learned enough to starting writing great personals!
But it’s not all you should know about online dating: in fact, all the action takes place once you contact that men or woman who catches your eye, and start chatting, or talking, or whatever you want to call it. What do you say then? We discuss this in the article about contacting singles.
Filed Under Dating Basics | 1 Comment
Love.Dada
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| love.dada.net |
Love.Dada is a leading cellular services company offering ringtones, wallpapers and sms dating for cell phone users. With just one click on your cell phone, you become part of a cool community where you can browse through 1000’s of pics, meet new friends, and maybe even fall in love.
love.dada.net CostsDada.net is a monthly subscription service. Dada.net offers the topnotch selection of mobile content, including the latest US Ringtone chart hits, games, wallpapers and more. You can also send SMS to your friends at no extra charge.
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Filed Under Mobile Dating Sites | 2 Comments
5 New York City Dating Tips
Dating in New York City can be tough. There are literally millions of people out there who are looking for love, yet it seems many people are still alone. Below are 5 tips to help you can use to help you find a date in NYC. If you’re looking to find love online, be sure to check out our online dating reviews too.
- Don’t be Shy
Communication is always key. If you don’t go out and actually talk to new people, it’ll be very difficult to get to know anyone. People in NYC are interested in going out and having fun so when looking for a date, they want to find someone else who is also outgoing and fun to be around. - Don’t Let Rejection Get to You
There are millions of people living in New York. Not everyone will like you. Furthermore, people in NYC are a lot more guarded than in other cities and towns. Rejection will happen so be prepared for it and don’t let it get you down. - Get Out There
You won’t find new people by sitting at home and they won’t come there looking for you. In order to find a date in new york city or to have someone find you, you need to get out of the apartment. Go to a museum, bar/club, park, show, etc. - go to a place you enjoy and you will be able to find other people who enjoy the same things as you. - Don’t be So Picky
With seemingly so many choices to choose from, people in New York seem to be more picky than in other areas and one small detail, in what the NY Times calls the Flaw-O-Matic, can make or break a connection. Instead of being so picky, go out on a few dates and see if you like the person overall and then take it from there. - Set a Goal
Whether it is, I’m going to speak to 5 new people this week or that you will get into a relationship by the end of the month, having goals can help push you to succeed. It is consistently been shown that people who set specific goals for themselves succeed more than people who don’t.
Filed Under Local Dating | 1 Comment