When Should I Respond to an Email I Get?

Playing hard to get can definitely have its advantages in the traditional dating world, but with online dating, it could possibly mean a trip to the recycle bin instead of the IN bin.

I’m frequently asked, When should I respond to an email I get? Should I wait at least ten minutes? Can I email him/her back on Saturday night at 8 PM? Or Should I wait until I’m twenty pounds thinner? The answer should be fairly simple, but can actually be a little tricky. You may want to wait at least one day so you don’t appear overly anxious or desperate, and it may also be a good idea to wait to respond until after your divorce is final. BUT if you wait too long, there are plenty of other fish in the sea to snag, so don’t dilly-dally too long.

Great! You’re anxious if you answer right away, and you’re not interested if you don’t answer right away. Jeepers, what should we do, Dr. Phil? If I didn’t respond within .25 seconds, I would have guys writing me wondering if I received their email, or if I had already found a husband. Chill out people! I know we all have the patience of a two year old, but hold on to your horses. Just because were all desperate (you know online dating and all) doesn’t mean we don’t have lives outside of these matchmaker sites.

One guy actually wrote back and yelled at me (he used all caps and lots of explanation marks!!!!) because I didn’t respond to his email at all. When I read his profile, he sounded angry, frustrated, and bitter. His final comment was, IF YOU AREN’T SERIOUS AND IF YOU ONLY WANT TO PLAY WITH MY HEAD, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS AD. Well, I wasn’t interested, so I didn’t respond. (Not sure why, he seems like such a sweet heart and all.) He sent me one of the nastiest emails Ive ever received. Gee, it just broke my heart to be dumped by a guy I never met. I did write back and told him if he doubled up on his anger management classes (and his lithium) I might reconsider corresponding with him.

I read in another source that you should not respond to emails for at least 24 hours (thats after each and every one!) and that you should not respond on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Well gee whiz, menopause doesn’t wait until Mondays, so why should we? Heavens to Betsy! Why would we want to wait until Monday? Oh, I know, so we appear to be busy on the weekends. I get it!! Well toots, if I was busy on the weekends, I wouldn’t be online dating, now would I?!

I really don’t think the person on the other side of cyber space is counting the minutes it takes for you to respond. Write back when you have a few minutes. If you’re tired, or had a bad hair day, or you forgot to take your antidepressants, you may want to hold off for a few days. Your writing can definitely reflect the mood you’re in.

Make this process of finding a new relationship fun. don’t beat yourself up wondering if you waited too long to respond, or not long enough, or if you said the right thing, or you said too much or too little. Be yourself, have patience, respond in a positive way, and by gosh, don’t forget to use spell check!